Mama Vibes ✌️

No matter how hard I try – I cannot be neat and organized! I feel like it’s just something inside of me that rejects it. I’m married to a man who spends countless hours cleaning and organizing the garage…yep, THE GARAGE! But I can’t seem to even keep the kitchen clean. I do feel better when the house is clean. I love when I walk into everything being put up. I love doing my hair and makeup, but that too seems to be a struggle. Putting effort into things I don’t find enjoyment in is a real struggle for me. I love the after effect but the during just seems to tedious and overwhelming sometimes.

On top of this usual issue I’ve had my whole life, I was told last night that while my daughter’s class was reading a book about a bear who was a grump she decided to inform the entire class that’s just like her mom. What?!?! She is the one person I try my hardest to be gentle and kind to. So I asked, what would make me not be a grump. She responded, “If you would just tell me I’m hurting your feelings when I make a bad choice instead of yelling.” Then this morning my devotional was about parenting/disciplining out of love instead of anger. So now I’m on a mission, a complete life revamp.

Three days ago I started a version of the Whole 30 diet. I refuse to give up ALL things I love so I gave up most things and I’m allowing myself small things like a tall caramel latte instead of a grande, one piece of bread every few days instead of 10 pieces a day, one small treat at the end of the day instead of snacking on candy all day long. It really hasn’t been as much of a struggle as I thought it would be because I’m already feeling so much better. I also started working out again – running, yoga, lifting weights. And just three days in I feel like a slight version of my old self instead of the out of shape, run down, stressed and tired version I have been the last year. My hope is to have more energy, sleep better AND be less of a grump!

Do as I say, not as I do will not be the example I set in my home. One step turns into five, turns into 500. I was reading a blog about the Whole 30 diet and the author said, “Make sure you know your why, and it can’t have anything to do with weight.” That stuck with me, because at first it was just about weight. But when I truly thought about my why I realized it had so much more to do with how I was feeling about myself, my relationships, my sleep, my mood. I want to be a positive example for my child. I want to make a difference in the lives of others. And that has nothing to do with my weight and everything to do with my attitude. What’s your why?

Welllllll, identifying something I’m grateful for and showing someone kindness everyday was 100% my plan. It fell off the rails pretty quickly. Having a sick child, little to sleep and cold weather got me in a funk in a horrible way.

Once you’re in a hole it’s hard to climb out. It’s easy to smile and seem like you’re good but sometimes that only makes the hole feel deeper. What I’m learning is – surround yourself with people who validate you, people who care you’re in the hole and support you doing what you need to do to get out. For those people who seem to always have it worse or can one up you, their opinion doesn’t matter! No one else is fighting your battle. What might be a big deal to you might be nothing to another person and that’s ok.

Setting goals is something I have never done well with because unless they are public, like going to college or getting a job, I just don’t do well following through. So now I’m on the hunt for advice and tips and tricks of how to follow through because my mood swings are out of control, my weight is out of control, my fitness is at its worst, as are my eating habits. I see daily how they are negatively effecting me but I keep on the same cycle. So, my new journey is how to start a journey and keep on the path! Today I’m going to live for today and be in the moment and not worry about tomorrow. I’m not going to Starbucks, I’m getting on the treadmill, I’m packing lunch instead of eating cheese crackers and Rice Krispie treats all day and then binge eating pasta and pasta when I get home.

I’m not crazy optimistic but……let’s see how this one goes. 🙌

So for over a month now I’ve been reading a book, Have You Filled a Bucket Today? And it’s crazy how quickly I forget the message myself, even after reading it over 20 times. It’s so easy to get caught up in jealousy and resentment. But what’s below those feelings? It really has nothing to do with the other person, like the book, you never fill your bucket by dipping into someone else’s. If we feel better by lifting others up then why do we struggle so much to do it?

Today, I’m starting a challenge that I began over a year ago but didn’t stick too. I’m going to start a gratitude list and every day I’m going to pray and praise over the item I put on the list. I remember having such a better mind set before when I did it but of course, I got into one of my funks and just stopped. So, you are my accountability partner. If you’re reading this, I will update weekly on how it’s going and how it’s effecting other areas of my life like my physical health and my relationships.

Today, at 12:40am, I’m thankful for the ability to record my sweet girl at any given moment because of technology. I just shared a video on Facebook that I will indeed forget until it pops up on my memories but also will continue to make my heart skip a beat every time I watch it. A photo I have of the moment Ashlynn arrived into the world, a video of her babbling in the middle of the night, a photo of me kissing her that reminds me of how she used to fall asleep to my kisses. ❤️ So many memories and moments that would be lost in the sea of moments without technology.

The second part of this challenge is to share JOY. I’m thankful for the memories I’m able to capture with my family. To share that joy today after work I’m going to turn off notifications and give my family my full attention. Writing down what we are grateful for is the first step, but what do we do with it? What do we do with that thankfulness and joy we find when we start focusing on the positives in our life? We share it-we spread it-we celebrate! Stay tuned for the changes it brings on my journey. ✌️

God, help me pass this test. God, please don’t let me get a ticket. God, please heal this illness. God, please keep us safe. I’ve prayed millions of prayers asking for things. But when our truck caught fire and we were faced with the possibility it was totaled and the amount we would received wouldn’t even be enough for a down payment on another truck, let alone we don’t have it in our budget for another vehicle payment right now – I had no idea what to pray for.

I’ve been there before, do I pray for my marriage to work or do I pray for a way out? Do I pray for a job to get better or do I pray for a different opportunity. I struggle with hard times because I don’t want to pray for MY plan. When I pray for my plan then I struggle with the question- was that a sign or am I reaching for a sign that isn’t there? You may have guessed, I’m a bit of an over thinker, a worrier if you will. If you’re like me I don’t have any secret recipe that magically makes all of that worry go away but I have found a way to calm the storm inside when my mind goes there.

Pray for God’s will to be done. The Lord’s Prayer has gotten me through many situations I wanted to leave entirely in his hands. Decisions I didn’t want any part in allowing my free will to mess up. Some days I think I pray it 1,000 times just for God to have power and control over me and my life because I have no clue what I need or what I should be doing.

My friend, faith will get us through. Believing when we don’t see a way out. Knowing that HE has us. We don’t have to know how. We don’t have to figure it out. He already knows and he will get us where we need to go. It’s easy to get angry. It’s easy to get sad. It’s not wrong to have those feelings. The Devil is real and he comes at us full throttle. He wants us to be mad at God. He wants us to question. I encourage you to read the book of Job. It was an eye opener for me. The Devil is crafty but he is not stronger or more powerful than our Savior! Repeat after me: Not today Devil! Not happening! You’re not welcome here!

Father, please protect me and guide me and I pray your will be done for me.

Friends – he has us! He is the ultimate parent. The most loving and caring parent that exists and he will always have us.

Lessons can be fun and silly and still get the point across.

Do I ever wake up and just want to go grab Starbucks and watch tv all day…alone? YES! But there is breakfast to make and dolls to play. My secret, Alexa. I set the timer and that’s how long I play because I’m not the mom who enjoys play time. I love activities and I love doing fun things together outside of the house but I just really don’t enjoy playing at home. Popping confetti all over the kitchen and skating for 15 minutes seems like a hassle, but these are the things she will remember. So, if you’re not a playful mama or don’t enjoy play time that’s ok! You don’t need to feel guilty about that. Find the things you and your little do enjoy together and fill as much time as you can with those things then coast on those other days. Set a timer if you need to, say no sometimes and remember to carve out some time for yourself. Even if it’s only a few minutes, recharge. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Repeat- I am enough!