Regrets and Foregiveness

Hurt people, hurt people. I know this all too well. I am notorious for hurting others when I was hurting. I didn’t even realize it when I was doing it. Then my heart changed, the day I found out I was pregnant. God healed a pain I didn’t even know I had. I cringe at the thought of who I would be today if I hadn’t received the gift of my little girl. I see glimpses in some of my family members, the trait I didn’t even know I had is a generational one. Many of my family members are vicious with their tongues and quick to cut people out of their lives at the slightest bump in the road. And I was right there with them until 4 years ago. I’ve lost, more like thrown away, so many relationships, because I was just so mean.

I still find myself lashing out from time to time when I’m hurt by someone or when my depression is at it’s peak. Being aware of it though is a difference maker. I try to avoid people if I can so I don’t unintentionally hurt someone. I apologize if I couldn’t avoid people and I do hurt someone. I’ve been known to go back to a store to apologize to someone who didn’t even remember me. But what happens when someone won’t forgive? I lose sleep, I cry, I beat myself up internally….for a few days. Then (and I’m working on this every single day to be the first thing I do) I PRAY. I pray God will forgive me and I have to find forgiveness for myself. I was reminded in a sermon at church recently of 1 Peter 5:6-7 ESV 6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

If you’re holding onto regrets and pain it will only bring more pain. First though, you have to take ownership of what you have said or done to cause hurt. Apologize and ask for forgiveness. You may not get it from the person but you will instantly get it from God. I’m working on it daily-it’s so hard when someone won’t forgive, especially if it was an important relationship to you. The next step, learn from that. Instead of holding onto that hurt, pray God will turn that hurt into compassion and empathy and love for those still in your life. Don’t do the same thing to someone else. I can’t count the number of times in the last year I have almost given my unsolicited opinion and right before it comes out of my mouth I hear a little voice that says- remember what happened with (fill in the blank). If you feel like you’re going to explode until you get that opinion out, put it on paper then rip it up and throw it away, go into a room by yourself and say it to the wall, or find a trusted person and talk their ear off (not multiple people!) Mine is my husband. I can talk for hours, sometimes I think he stops listening but still shakes his head or makes mmmhmmm noises so I still feel validated, but when I’m done I feel heard and I’ve got it out of my system. Unless someone is unsafe-you worry about you. That my advice to myself. My life isn’t perfect and I’ve got enough stuff to fix in my own to be trying to control someone else’s.

CHOOSE LOVE! Love the people who want to be in your life. Love the people who have accepted your apologies, love the people who have asked you for forgiveness. Be kind to those who haven’t. I’m still working on that part. When someone can’t seem to forgive me I get frustrated, angry, hurt. But I remind myself that it their choice and I have to continue to control myself. I control my actions, I control my words, I control my behavior. We will never make a mends by acting out of hurt or anger.